Workshop № 6

Speaker-Alexander Yakivets, shift manager at the Charity Foundation "Liniya Zhizni Ukrainy"

Seminar topic: manifestations of codependency in the work of a consultant and ways to overcome them.

"Codependency is a persistent state of painful dependence on Compulsive (forced, unmanageable) forms of behavior and on the thoughts of other people, formed when a person tries to gain self-confidence, determine their own significance, define themselves as a person (meaning that these attempts are realized in a deliberately wrong way)"

* Definition given at the 1st codependency Conference USA Arizona, 1989

Where does codependency come from? Previously, it was believed that the state of codependency is formed during a long cohabitation with a dependent ( chemical) person. But a thorough study of the state of codependency reveals very strange things that manifestations of codependent behavior are inherent in a large number of people, even those who have never lived with addicts. It is enough that people are united by the problem.

Codependency has its origin in distant childhood, from the very birth of a person. The child comes into the world defenseless, weak, unable to survive on his own and it is normal to feel physically dependent on his mother. Then there are childhood injuries that cause strong negative feelings, and not always the cause is the child's parents. But the skills to survive these injuries and respond to negative emotions are entirely the responsibility of parents. Since most parents themselves do not know how to live their emotions, they are also unable to teach their child. And instead of learning "how to deal with stress on your own," parents form a model – "listen to me and do it." Thus, they teach the child to think slavishly.

Thus, a person grows up who depends on other people, on their emotional state, on behavior, on words and gestures, on fashion, ratings and ignores. The whole focus of attention is focused on external factors, and the inner world suffers. Internal suffering becomes so unbearable that a person resorts to radical measures of pain relief, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide.

This seminar is dedicated to identifying the manifestations of codependent behavior in Lifeline Ukraine employees and overcoming these manifestations. Codependent behavior is characterized by a manipulative model of interaction, manifestations of controlling behavior, the role of the rescuer and the suffering victim. All this will prevent Lifeline Ukraine consultants from performing their work professionally, and our task is to work it out.

Signs and symptoms of codependency:

• Too strict attitude towards yourself and others, dislike for yourself, usually unconsciously disguised (primarily from yourself). "to be afraid of fear", the desire to protect yourself from it in advance, avoiding those situations in which this fear may appear;
• The desire to please other people, accompanied by a willingness to do everything to achieve this;
• Fear and discomfort when dealing with persistent or "angry" people, fear of personal criticism and a sharp emotional reaction to it;
• Frequent and intense emotional attraction to relationships with those people who either completely control themselves or, on the contrary, require constant attention and care;
• Inability to distinguish love from pity, tendency to confuse and confuse these feelings;
• Overly responsible – or, conversely, irresponsible in their behavior;
• Feeling guilty when you need to defend yourself, your "personal interests" or do something for yourself personally;
• Constantly postponing everything "for later";
• Inability-or unwillingness due to fear, to participate in games – entertainment, fun," indulge in fun";
• In relationships with other people-there is almost no sense of true intimacy, trust and constancy;
• A common lie, even where it would be easier and more natural to tell the truth.